Wednesday, 31 July 2013

Open up

This is me at "cringey" 15 no one knew i was so upset
When I was small I had a lot of trouble . When I say small I don't mean 5 or 6 i mean 13 , 14 , 15  and 16 . I had a hard time growing up .Compared to other family issues it wasn't major, but it was a pretty hard time for me as an individual.I'm not looking for sympathy from this post that is not what i want at all .From tweeting about how i felt in the past when i felt depressed or alone , my followers would  write to me in respond to a tweet to make sure i was okay . I would pour my heart out to a random person but it would actually make me feel so much better because they see the situation from a total different perspective .Ehm..Ye i am a typical teenager that had her hard downfalls over the past few years .Body issues, family issues, depression , types of bullying , heartbreak,betrayal ,lied to , used  .These are all things that not only me but half the world go through in their life . When your 15 or 16 you feel like its the end of the world when you can stop crying at night .Some people are shocked when they find out what ive been through because right now i post everyday happy cheery cute fashionable stuff on my facebook page but thats only because i got out of the tunnel.Young girls write to me when they are feeling suicidal, upset or insecure .I've had plenty and plenty of people do this .Its a horrible situation to be put in but i understand what its like to be in their shoes so i talked and talked until i made sure they were okay  because there's nothing worse than waking up in the morning with dried up eyes from crying all night .I seen a few doctors in the past three years even though i've been sick for 5 years .I did it behind my parents back because i had never been so scared in my life but i was so proud of myself for doing it because i never spoke about it before it was a very big deal for me and some people might not realize that.My moods would change every 10 seconds and it would be a scary dramatic change .I would have panic attacks. I felt like i had no one , even thought i had loads of friends . If you are ever upset or feel like its the end of the world make sure you talk to someone because i can promise there is someone that is going through the exact same thing as you.Its scary but once everything is out in the open ,things start to get better from there . To this day i've never been so happy in my life, been so proud of myself and ive never felt so good about myself.
.I thought it was impossible to get out of that state of mind but nothing is impossible .Two organisations that helped me was "minds" and "pieta house "and two celebs i looked up was Demi Lovato and Frankie Sandford .Two young girls who were strong enough to admit their problems to the public and like this article, its not easy for me to write . You never know who is going through a hard time so be there for your friends and family because they might consider you as someone who isn't actually there for them.

'One night, I got upset because Wayne hadn't bought the right yoghurts. I manage to convince myself he didn't know me at all.
'It set off this spiral of negative thinking – that if I disappeared, it wouldn’t matter to anyone. In fact, it would make everybody’s life easier. I felt that I was worthless, that I was ugly, that I didn’t deserve anything.'

“I would come off stage in front of 18,000 people and suddenly be alone in a hotel room. I’d come crashing down and would try to find a way to recreate that feeling, to stay up.”

This article is dedicated to a young follower of mine on twitter who is always writing to me looking for help . This mightened be everyones cup of tea but it is a very important topic .Not all childhoods are bad but there is alot worse .So be thankful for everything you have , keep healthy and remember nothing is impossible .This article was hard for me to publish so i hope it helped and i hope i dont get a lot of criticism for it . Kayls x

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